Getting Spayed

Evidently it's really offensive to say this about a human. Evidently it's really frowned upon even if you are saying it about yourself. It is really insensitive to all those women that are losing something they wanted so badly. But I have to be able to express my feelings, honestly, somewhere, without having to worry about hurting someone else's feelings that I don't even know. How is it fair that I have to NOT say what I feel about myself because someone else might be offended? I'm not saying it ABOUT them. I am not saying it FOR them. I am saying it about and for ME.

So here, in my own blog, I get to talk about what I will be going through soon. I will be going in for a hysterectomy soon. I have always had seriously bad periods. When I was young they were so painful I passed out a few times. An emergency room gave me demerol for the pain, and made me stay the weekend thinking I had a ruptured spleen - even though I kept telling them it was just my period.

So, being a dog person, I used to ask why I couldn't just get spayed. I have NO desire to be pregnant - never have never will. And I am sorry if women who want to and can't find that offensive but dammit I am allowed to express my own feeling. I'm not saying to them, you can't so live with it or you can't and I can but won't (don't actually know there's any thruth to that) so nyah nyah nyah. I am simply saying I am going through a whole lot of pain and misery to hold on to something I am NEVER going to use. And since I am never going to use it, and it causes me so much discomfort, lets just spay me. See I don't view spay and neuter as bad words, so I don't look at this as a bad thing. In the animal world of our civilized society S/N has a very useful purpose, many actually. Not only does it prevent unwanted litters it also protects our beloved pets from various health risks and cancers that they should not have to risk simply because some people think they should remain intact for some reason. If you aint gonna use it, and it causes problems, lose it. So that's what I'm doing. It does not make me less a woman. I am not defined by my body parts. I know many women are tied to their anatomy for their definition of self but it doesn't matter to me personally if I no longer have a uterus. I was born a woman and that isn't going to change after 40 some years simply because a body part is now missing. That's like saying all humans have 2 legs so if you lose a leg you are now somehow not human. And I know, again I am being insensitive because that is exactly what people go through emotionally when they do lose a leg. I'm just saying, I don't see myself that way.

I am not going to wake up one morning and wonder "what the hell have I done? I can never have a baby now!" It just isn't in my make up. And I have to say that I can not be the only woman out there that feels that way. I want to go to and utilize the information and support that is offered on many sites about hysterectomy, but I feel as though I am not allowed to truly express my feelings without being labeled insensitive, crass, unkind, thoughtless. So I have to lurk quietly and just read what I can. But I can't ask questions that pertain to NOT feeling a great loss. I can't ask questions that pertain to NOT crying over babies that won't be. I need somewhere that will accept questions after surgery NOT related to those things. And If you say no it's not that because I don't miss that - then you are thoughtless of all the women that do. Uhoh, no more help for you. You are not a woman. Please don't post your insensitive questions on our site. NOT that I've been kicked off of any sites because I read the rules about posting first so I already know I can't ask those questions. It's just like when I was a kid and I knew I could not ask questions about certain things. I just had to wait and see if someone dropped an answer without thinking about it. But if you actually asked the question then you were labeled.

So I have to wonder, but don't yet know where to find the answers. What kind of mood swings will I have if any? Since I am not attached to the idea of kids, will I feel a new sense of freedom by not having to worry about periods or PMS? (as opposed to mourning for children not to be) Will I be greatful for no longer having to experience killer cramps or am I going to regret what I've done for some mystical reason that even I can't anticipate? Here's one for you...is there someone out there that felt just like I did before surgery that discovered that once the parts were removed you ended up having the exact same feelings of remorse as the women that did want to have kids someday? Cause that one would really mess with my head.

For now I am excited about being done with it all, and nervous about the recovery time. I actually bailed on it all 2 yrs ago and opted for a smaller fix it surgery just because of the idea of missing 6 weeks of work. Now I've figured out I can work at home after about 2 weeks, and timing it near the holidays makes for a slower work time and time already scheduled to be off. So those things have made it easier to choose. All in all it feels right.